Being single really, really sucks a lot of the time.

Over the years I’ve discovered that dating sites are just a faster, more efficient way of being rejected. I suppose from a distance is better than in person.

So, I’ve decided to craft a little comparability test, to narrow the scope of candidates.

Here we go.

1. You think pets are _______________.

A. your children

B. are adorable, your Facebook page is full of cat memes

C. for dinner

D. for other people

2. Where are these from?

“Everyday is lesbian lover day!”

“It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday”

“Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!”

“Do you always talk with your mouth full?”, “Only when I’m eating.”

“Daddy, I got cider in my ear.”


“I’m gonna wreck it!”

“88 miles per hour!”

“Yada, yada, yada.”

“Let’s be careful out there.”

3. Superman is from?

A. Jersey

B. Jupiter

C. Krypton

D. Alpha Centuri

3a. Bonus – Superman’s name is?

A. Clark Kent

B. Jor-el

C. George Reeves

D. Kal-el

4.  The greatest city on earth is?

A. Paris

B. New York

C. London

D. Gotham

5. You know that the sentence, “They’re over there with their parents, going to the show at two, too,” is correct.

A. True

B. False

6.  God is, ___________.

A. real, why aren’t you in church?

B. real on Easter and Christmas

C. I’m not entirely sure

D. the biggest farce pulled on mankind in all of human history

7. Your political views are?

A. Conservative, gun toting, religious zealot, tight ass in nature

B. Not A

C. I live in an underground bunker awaiting the new world revolution

D. L. I. B. E. R. A. L.

8. The outdoors is ____________.

A. fabulous! I live in the wide open, hunting and living off the land

B. hiking is OK once in while, maybe the occasional camping trip

C. I get fresh air when I go to the mailbox

D. the sun will melt me

9. Sarcasm is __________________.

A. a way of life, it runs through my veins, and is at the core being of my values

B. mean

C. very sexy…

D. an excellent form of communication

10. What’s the best?

A. Sunrise

B. Sunset

C. Full moon

D. Thunderstorm

None of the answers really matter, if you hit it off and connect. Sometimes you don’t connect right away or in the way you thought you might, but it still works out anyway after a few tries.