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Slice 156 of 365

Last night I had a friend make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. She said she believes in me and my writing so much that she offered to pay to have my book edited so that I could get it online and out there. 

I didn’t know what to say. It was wonderfully amazing and terrifying at the same time to have somebody believe in you that much. I want to see and believe what she sees but fear of failure is a freaking huge obstacle. And she said not worry about paying her back if if it didn’t work out but fear of disappointing her is there too. 

I mean, what do I really have to lose? Time is about it. Oh, I should follow that up with I’d be losing time writing the sequel while the editing process was going on. First I need to reread it and get familiar with my characters again. 

I feel as though I had so many failures for such a long time now that even the thought of the smallest failure really puts me into a tailspin that is just too difficult to come out of. 

I need a win, even a small win. 

Maybe it could be a big win. It’s pretty unlikely for a first book to be a bestseller but anything is possible I suppose. It is the logical next step and having that cheerleader, dare I say backer, makes a big difference. I just wish the feeling lasted longer. 

If I go with this I will have to give up the everyday slices. The point was to write everyday, and to get out another book I will have to commit to that fully which would mean writing everyday, I can’t do it halfway. And when I say fully I mean completely turning off the tv (yep, still have it, even after canceling the phone recently) and maybe even getting an easel for one of my white boards so I can keep track. I’ll be very official this time because when I write I just write from the hip without direction, it just kind of comes. 

I think I just got lucky the first time, we’ll see. 

I don’t need to give up the blog fully, besides as much as I hate to type the words it will be a good marketing tool. Selling myself is not one of my fortes but I know it’s a necessary evil especially for self publishing. 

Way too much to think about right now. Still some more discussion ahead and I don’t want to out my friend because I don’t know if she wants to be outed but she has my utmost appreciation beyond any words I could possibly write. Ironic, huh?

So for now, until an actual decision has been made I will keep up as normal. Whatever that may be for me?

Until tomorrow…