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I watched the movie “Sydney White” recently. It’s a silly updated Snow White story but I like it. It’s just my kind of movie where the good guys win and the dorks rise to the top.

The main character, Sydney, loses her mother when she’s nine and that immediately makes me think of my kids.

I’ve never known how they’ve felt about growing up without their respective moms. There have been plenty of snippets and conversations but I can never really feel what they have felt and feel now.

We’ve never actually sat down and had a conversation about it. Not sure why really, it just comes up naturally when it does rather than forcing a conversation I guess.

I wonder how they would have interacted with them over the years and how they would have guided them differently than me. How often do the kids think of them and what exactly do they think about?

One of the lines said in the movie by Sydney is that her dad did the best he could but sometimes a girl just needs her mom. I’ve heard that from different female friends and family as well. Makes me feel pretty crappy honestly like no matter what I do I’ll never be able to give Becca what she needs.

Do they even know what they’re missing? They can imagine what they’re missing. They see examples on TV and with their friends. They’ll never know exactly what they missed, there’s nothing to compare it to. Inside though I’m sure they know just what they missed…

I certainly made plenty of mistakes while they were both alive and I’ve fulfilled my obligation of making even more after they departed.

There are no kids who get everything they need from their parents even if they do have two or maybe even more. I had other parental figures to go to when my parents wouldn’t cut it. Band parents mostly were always around when I needed them.

I think my kids have had and still have good female role models in their lives. Strong, caring women who have taught, comforted and listened to them when I just wouldn’t do for one reason or another.

The details are for a different time but I do fear that one day my kids will think about me the same way I think about my dad which is not very flattering.

Maybe I’m just better off not know what they think!

The journey and challenges were great but the satisfaction of watching them grow and become the people they are has been all worth it.